October 22, 2019

Sad Days

Have you ever felt so lonely? Like, I mean, you have the most supportive friends who you know would always have your back, and family members who never fail to be present in your life, but still there's that emptiness that no matter how you distract yourself from, will do its best to be felt? I know I am a happy person, I truly am. But even the happiest of people can still feel lonely and sad from time to time. But the hardest part for me is that I have no idea why I feel sad, and alone. I always pray to the Lord that he will continue to give me comfort and peace which He always provides but still, STILL there will be moments where I just feel so all by myself.

I am known by those dear to me as the person who is made up of sunshine and stars. Always vibrant, always joyful, free from any worries or pain. But little do they know how alone I feel, despite all the smiles that my face constantly displays. With all the cheers and support that I shoot out, at times I thought, do I get my share of those things as well? I never ran out of love for people, and I never count the amount of feelings I give out to anybody, but sometimes, I just get to stop and think - Maybe I also need love.

Recognizing the hardships of other people and all other souls who are much more at a lonelier state and living a sadder life than mine makes me invalidate such feelings of sadness that I feel. But no matter how blessed and privileged I feel I am and I know I am, I guess the human in me causes my vulnerabilities to resurface, at least to myself and to my own perceptions. Also, the fear of being perceived as ungrateful to all the love and support that I get from my friends and family hinders me to open up about the shadows of silent griefs that I live through from time to time.

What do I need to make this sadness go away, or at least lessen through time. I know the light of happiness can only be appreciated if one has passed through the valleys of sorrow. But what do I need to finally reach the sun? What do I need? Or maybe, who do I need? These questions will only make it harder for me, but if not ask, will I even find answers in the first place?

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