March 24, 2017

Weaknesses

Baler, Aurora - December 2015

Whether we admit it or not, exposing our weaknesses is something that is hard for us to do. It's not really because of pride or self-judgement but the act of acknowledging where we are bad at, really is mind draining. It's not that we think too highly of ourselves but I guess it has something to do with us, being so used to thinking positively about our personalities - strengths, virtues, and just things that other people usually commend us or recognize in us.

Personally, one of my weaknesses is being too passionate. I know that is something positive but too much of something, of anything is not really a good thing. I am very passionate about friends, relationships, hobbies to name a few. I am someone who gives more than a hundred percent to things that I really like, to people who matter so much to me. In the end, I get so drawn, so involved without realizing I'm giving too much of myself to it. In the end, I blame myself; not for the things I should not have done, but for the things I did too much.

Another weakness, and probably quite a big one for me is not knowing when to stop at something. Being a very emotional person, whenever I feel happy about something or someone, I feel really happy! And I do mean really really happy! I focus myself on it just like embracing it all as if it is the sunshine that I need to make me feel alive. But the downfall of anything so good, so high, is that we fall so hard by the time this happiness fades. There is no 'slow fall' with me, it's always a big fall. There then rolls another weakness; I never learn, not easily from these big falls.

At school I can say that I am a fast learner. I can get by acing a test or an exam without really reviewing at home because whenever a teacher delivers his/her lectures, I make sure that I am a very dry sponge ready to absorb every word that the teacher would deliver. And that's all I need for any upcoming evaluation, together with a fast scan on some of my friends' notes minutes before the papers are handed to us to build up on. But if it's life giving me lectures, it's something that I feel so dumb with. I don't really learn that fast.

I eat a little of this and it makes me a million pounds heavier. But still, when that food is handed over, I'd still indulge myself with it even if it's something I can easily avoid. I already know that if I skip washing my hair with nizoral shampoo once every month, my dandruff will suddenly gives a surprise appearance that bugs me out easily, I'd still feel sluggish maintaining it. And yes, the person I gave up all my heart to, who I fell over and over again even after hurt after hurt; I just never learn. Even after realizing just why, I still find myself going towards it again no matter how hard my fall was. Talk about being stupid?

But the biggest weakness that I really need to work on is my anxiety. I do overthink quite so much. I overwork my mind especially whenever I have idle times and have nothing to do, my mind gets clouded so easily by thoughts that aren't really needed at that very moment. This one, is one of those weaknesses that is negative by nature and should be minimized, if not totally removed. Time, efforts, thoughts are wasted. Too much anticipation could kill you, really!

The list just goes on and on but just as I have said, I recognize that I have a lot of weaknesses but it's tad hard to iterate every single one of it in detail. Though one thing I've known through these 26 years, is that these weaknesses are there to make us whole. These may be something negative in each of us but we cannot just take it off because it's part of who we are, it's part of what make us ourselves.

There's nothing wrong with making efforts to take these weaknesses away from our totality, besides, we are here on earth to live and work towards a better version of what we are than yesterday's. But as these weaknesses somehow finds home in us, without plans of leaving anytime soon, we should learn how to embrace it. Yes! Concede with these traits, attitudes and feelings and use them to make other weaknesses turn into strengths, use them to a better person. Not just a better son, a better mother, a better classmate, or a better friend - but a better person for yourself!

***
Never Stop Improving!
Steve

This post is part of Skywatch Friday that features different views of the sky around the world. Visit Skywatch and go on tour around the globe seeing sunrises, sunsets and so much more than the sky that you know at http://skyley.blogspot.in/